my life, as far as i know.

a certain neighbor is home. she’s only home for a week every couple months. she seems like a really interesting person and i’d like to get to know her a lot more. i think about her frequently. i guess i fantasize that we’re friends and chummy.

so today she was home. she asked me how things were. so i told her. and i was on the virge of telling why things are the way they are, when a chum of her came over. they hugged and started talking. i slowly stepped backwards. i excused myself and left.

i felt very.. not there.

it’s okay, really. my situation at this place benefits those already here and staying, and does nothing for me.

off to secret-dinner.

oh, i walked both to and from the train station today. i passed by dead-kitty (speaking of hypens) and i decided that if anything weird happens in that area, i’ll say it’s the will of dead-kitty.

as of today, i’ve paid off my largest credit card. i feel accomplished.

this morning i was going through the morning’s san francisco chronicle when i came to the obituary section. one photo caught my attention, it was well composed and executed. i read the entry.

the gentleman died in a car accident in half moon bay. he was known for developing quality control standards for disk drives. he earned his Ph.D. in experimental psychology. and he was a photographer for over four decades, experimenting with photographic chemistry and the instant production of colour.

from the obituary: “[he] believed that photographs are meant to be, simply, instances of personal experience. they are brief vignettes of vision that are not meant to be didactic or symbolic. they are interesting because they are someone else’s view. he likened an exhibition of his work to the brief vignettes in hemingway’s in our time - seemingly unconnected and varied, the only unifying factor being the experience of their creator.”

today on my train ride down the peninsula to work, i saw a man in his forties fixing his breakfast — coffee, yogurt, and granola. as he opened the yogurt, he licked the underside of the lid clean. you know, the containers always get jostled and the lid has a layer of precious yogurt on it. can’t let it go to waste, and all.

this middle aged man doing something i did in highschool (because my mom had long since stopped making home-made yogurt by then) reminded me that i’m entering my middle years.

i’ve been thinking about stuff like retirement and finances (both good: i just payed off one of my credit cards!, and bad: why don’t i have any decent liquid assets?). my friend boman has got me thinking, what am i doing with my life? the older i get, the more annoyed i get with younger people. i still maintain some of my childhood traits, like fingernail biting and getting cranky when i’m hungry. while my friend tim went through this early (a “quarter-life crisis”), i think this is the new me.

follow the wind song
follow the thunder
follow the neon in young lovers’ eyes

down to the gutter
up to the glitter
into the city
where the truth lies

where do i go
follow my heartbeat
where do i go
follow my hand

where will they lead me
and will I ever
discover why i live and die

– “where do i go” from the musical hair

when i’m by myself in san francisco in the evening, there’s only one place i go for dinner. it’s a nice restaurant, pretty consistent and not too expensive. pretty much none of my friends really like the place, so it’s not often that i get to go there.. but when i’m on my own, that’s where i go. i start with a glass of wine, and take my time eating. i nearly always order the same dish when i go. it feels good to me, to do something familiar in a place that’s familiar. it’s where i go to just let my mind wander. and it’s all mine.

blog entry #504!

today i attended sun’s solaris 10 boot camp. it was presented by mister benchmark, benoit chaffanjon. he was a good speaker with a good sense of humor. he reminds me of my french neighbor, vincent. half the presentation was done at the command line of his toshiba laptop, running solaris 10. i came away with a dvd install disc and 13 pages of notes. and now i want to run it everwhere.

when i took most of my important photo gear to my mom’s house for safekeeping, i should have sent the shutters off to my cleaned and adjusted. they’re all pretty off from each other.

ok, i made the mistake of answering a page and email from work. a website is down. i login and i can access it fine. this is what i get, i guess. the email doesn’t specify a time or method of access, so it’s hard to tell what (if anything) was wrong. if i didn’t need this damned job to make a living i’d work in a video store or library.

today i met boman for a relaxed, slow paced lunch at lovejoy’s.

sorry work, i’m completely ignoring you today.

i ran my other errands today. i’ve gotten a lot done, unwound a bit, and am enjoy some new music.

today i bought a music album, songs for silverman. ok, what really got my attention to the album at first was its cover. ben folds taking a self portrait in a large mirror. what camera is that? an old nikon slr? the album photos are all done by ben and his wife. cool, huh? turns out i like the music a lot. searching around, i found the above image above. i took a picture of this other album cover in one of the (now more than 150) phonepics. it’s from an album named speed graphic. how cool is that? good music and photography.

tonight dinner was fusion like no restaurant can serve up. the menu:

first course: appetizer, frjtz fries.

second course: hahn’s hibachi for bbq beef sobe.

third course: le zinc for wine (a glass of chinon) and steak with fries.

dessert: isabella’s dessert and ice cream cafe for a chocolate-carmel cake slice and espresso.

got a quote today for another colo provider. service level agreement, 33% more bandwidth, same rack space, ballpark same price (higher). about 5 blocks from where i currently live. considering it.

letting my brain breath in npr in the background. just woke up from a nap.

both work and life have been throwing plenty of stress my way. because i’m about to lose time off again at work (why would an employer not remind and encourage people to take a little time off now and then?) i’m taking a few days this coming week.

things have been crazy at home since our landlord decided to sell the place we’re staying. over the past three weeks, we’ve been talking to more than ten people regarding finances, other properties, negotiating with our landlord (which fell through last thursday), and parents.

at work, i’ve been buried with projects and then everything got put on hold while our backups broke yet again. this time i was able to prioritize it, and have spent nearly three full work days on it. i will eventually get it stable again and people won’t care for a while until it breaks again. the core problem is nobody has enough time to spend on it. i am also stuck in an ethical pickle, tossed to me by an upper management person. it’s quite inappropriate and if i get more heat over it, i’m considering filing a complaint. i really don’t need more stress.

in any case, random people will be traipsing through my home next week, so not only have i done any photography for a while, i’ve taken most of my cameras to my mother’s home for hiding. i have already dealt with the real estate agent who didn’t confirm an appointment with us and didn’t show up when we expected. our home situation will really be seriously interrupted until something comes to resolution.

the near future is uncertain, all my cameras are put away, and i’m several days behind at work. i hope these two days help.