each time i use the new camera it becomes easier and more fun. and fairly consistent now. the scratched broken little light meter i have is serving its purpose. i feel grown up, taking a reading, writing it down, then setting the camera. like a real photographer. too bad i know nothing of the zone system, or took a class on composition, or really knew what i was doing.

none of my photographs have the qualities i admire so much in the photography that inspires me. what is it? the location? maybe i only have access to nonbeautiful places. is it the equipment used? or is it the person behind the shutter? what is it that my photographs show, anyways? some people like them a lot. do they relay how i feel? or who i am? or maybe only the way i view the world? sometimes i honestly do like looking at the world through the camera. it makes me feel more.. disconnected.

thanks to the girl at the photography store. she gave me the low-down on metal reels for 120 film. i used it for the first time on two rolls. i practiced just as she suggested, and my first real try went well– my second, even better.

thanks to boman for helping me out on the new enlarger lens. i got a 80mm Rodenstock lens for pretty cheap. it should give better coverage for the 6×6 i’m now shooting in.

photography’s been great for the past couple days. two reasons.. one, i like the attention. two, takes my mind off my otherwise dull life. it’s the only thing i’ve really done for the past several months.

ok, one more before bed. i was sifting through postmaster email and came across the following bounce headers:

Final-Recipient: RFC822; n2040msteph186912@euromedia.pl
Action: failed
Status: 5.1.6
Remote-MTA: DNS; mail.euromedia.pl
Diagnostic-Code: SMTP; 551 : Recipient address
rejected: Penis enlergement not allowed
Last-Attempt-Date: Tue, 29 Jul 2003 22:14:18 -0700 (PDT)

so today i shot and developed my first roll of film with my kiev-60. it will take a little getting used to, since the camera is so heavy. the look-down viewer is really fun and this is my first time using a light meter. it’s all very exciting. i can’t wait to shoot off some film out in the wild. the camera wound the film onto the take-up reel tightly.. such a difference from the toy camera i was using.

in talking with the guy at the photography store, i should really get a different lens for my enlarger. it will prevent the vignetting my 50mm lens creates. then i’ll be doing some serious square photography. even this test roll i shot from the steps of the building i live in.. it just feels different. tomorrow i’m taking the camera with me. i can’t wait !!!!

from russia with love. this is the first manual camera i have ever used. the lens is a little shaky and it doesn’t put any space between exposures on the negative. i’m still working on replacing the russian mercury cell battery it came with.

tonight i started reading orson scott card’s xenocide, the third book in the ender series. my mom got me started by lending my ender’s game. with some help from michael at the coffee shop, i got the second book. tonight i hunted down the third. i’m well into the first chapter now.

reading is what i should have done this weekend, instead of nothing or waiting. it would have been more enjoyable. i’ve been enjoying the peace and solitude of my life but this weekend was way too much.

i had intended on having a fun night out with friends on friday– but got paged by work and ended up getting home from that around two in the morning. saturday i barely left the apartment. same on sunday.

maybe the kiev will arrive this week and give me something to occupy my time with.

got to find the right note
how to make the right tone
how to keep it true to ourselves
where we are coming from
what matters most is us
what matters most is now
what matters most is this
how it comes, and where, and how.. passion!!!

every cry is a song,
every song is a prayer.
and our prayers must be heard.
to fill the air..

oh, down in mexico
i never really been so i don’t really know
oh, mexico
i guess i’ll have to go…

at the beginning of this month i spent a week in mexico. half way through my vacation, i got sick. i didn’t eat for almost three days and i lost 7 or 8 pounds. when i came back to the ‘states, i weighed 157#. almost two weeks after returning, i’m feeling much better. this morning i did my regular 6-7-8 routine and it felt good. michael at the coffee shop hadn’t seen me and was a little troubled, since he heard about the hurricane that was headed our way. everything turned out okay. i came home with some great photos in my nikon and a roll of ilford 50 in the canon. it was my first time ever really being fully out of the country.

after watching the fifth element i have three reactions:

also.. comcast digital cable’s jazz music channel has some great music.. pass it on.